Of course I know that this is on everyone’s mind and I’m even shocked at myself that I took so long to post about it. So you want to know about dating with herpes?
One of the reasons I tend to turn a blind eye to this subject is that it is a relatively non-issue for me and I am so frustrated with all the herpes dating sites that proliferate on the Internet. I get repeated e-mails daily from these sites asking me to become an affiliate and promote them on this blog. I now send them straight to spam so I stop getting grumpy every time I see one in my in box.
The entire point of dating with herpes sites is to meet someone else that has herpes and to completely avoid ever having to tell someone, I have herpes. This is all fine except that it prays on your fear of being rejected and manipulates you into paying some monthly fee to find other people with herpes. And here is the kicker: By taking this route you eliminate about 40% – 60% of potential partners!
This is quite a big risk to take especially if you consider that there are some really great partners out there that probably don’t have herpes. Like me. (except I’m married!)
What I meant to say was take my herpes story:
I have had three long term relationships since being diagnosed with HSV2. From 17 – 21, I was with a great guy who was a tad older than me, and then from 22 – 27 I was with the cutest, nicest, sexiest guy I’d ever met. He was a real gem and while I loved him, our future plans did not click and we decided to separate. Then?! You ask! I met my husband when I was 29. You just know when you meet the right guy. It’s easy, it feels right, and you feel like you met your best friend. You can’t wait to see him over and over again and you’d rather do everything with him than anyone else. At least for awhile. At some point it’s great to get back with your girlfriends but that is a whole other blog post. Bottom line: I love my husband. We have been together 10 years, still have awesome sex (actually it gets better every year), and our “date nights” once a week are my favorite night of the week. Yes, we still have issues with fighting (we are both opinionated and stubborn), but that too is getting better every year.
None of these men had or has genital herpes and if either of the first two have it now, they didn’t get it from me. Can you imagine if I’d gone to some silly dating site and missed out on these relationships?! I know for sure that I would not be the woman I am today if this was the case. And I mostly sort of like who I am. Yes, telling them each that I had herpes was hard, but I did it and it really went fine. In my experience, there is always the first few months when condoms are essential and their is a bit of herpes anxiety on the part of both partners but as time (and sex) goes on, and they don’t get it, everyone starts to relax about the whole H thing and it’s importance fades away.
So think twice before you search herpes and dating on the Internet.
Maybe just search “dating” instead…